Those who are regular to serving Me will know that I've had horrendous problems with My spine for a couple of years. This has prevented Me from offering certain services, including foot worship shows. It's also rendered Me almost housebound due to being in chronic pain.
For those who don't know; a couple of years ago I injured My back whilst doing some heavy gardening. This led to a herniated disc in My lumbar region with constant sciatica in My right leg.
If you've never experienced sciatica before; let Me tell you that it is extremely painful. It's a constant dragging ache from the buttock all the way down into the foot, with intense spasms of shooting pain at frequent intervals. It's very debilitating and affects daily life, making even the simplest of tasks like getting dressed, very painful. Taking a shower becomes a mammoth task and as for walking normally - forget it! It's not happening.
Over the last 2 and half years; I've been prescribed countless painkillers which have done nothing. I've had 4 sessions of physiotherapy which actually made the situation worse. In the end; I was referred to a pain specialist, where I begged him to do something to get rid of the pain I've lived with for several years of My life.
Yesterday; I had a steroid epidural injection and a caudal nerve root block, in the hope that it would finally get rid of the pain and give Me back My life.
I have to say; the ESI was a breeze. Apart from the stick, sting and a burn of the local anaesthetic, I didn't feel a thing.
Then came the caudal nerve block...
Oh... My..fucking...God! I was NOT prepared for that one. In the literature I've received about the procedure; it proudly states that "most patients are able to tolerate the injection, with minimal discomfort."
What a load of utter bollocks!
Imagine having a ten-tonne articulated truck parked on your pelvis and you might get an inkling of just how much that shit hurts.
As soon as the shot hit that nerve root; I had been transformed from a "yeah, bring it on" cool as a cucumber patient to a "fucking get off me before I punch you in the throat" patient!
Two minutes of pure agony which seemed like 2 days. Imagine the pain of having somebody drilling into your tailbone and yet you have to remain completely still. Rather difficult to say the least.
"Would you like to squeeze somebody's hand?" the consultant asked to which I replied, "fuck yes!"
And boy did I squeeze!
In my painful delirium, I squeezed so hard, I'm surprised I didn't hear the poor lady's fingers snap, an indication of the crushing pain in My entire pelvic region.
"You're doing really well...not too long now" I was calmy informed by the consultant. Meanwhile; I've broken into a sweat and I've clenched My jaw so tight; I ground My teeth into powder.
After what seemed like several lifetimes later; the all whole process was done and I lay there panting in disbelief as I reminded Myself to never again believe any medical literature about any procedure being "well tolerated."
An hour later; I was back at home and over the space of literally 10 minutes; I felt the constant pain I'd experienced in My right leg fade until it had disappeared completely. Success! That feeling of being under a steel press was definitely worth it!
So now; I'm enjoying being relatively pain-free, apart from some residual pain in the injection site. And I shall enjoy it for as long as it lasts. It could be a day, weeks, or even a fair few months. It doesn't matter - I intend to make the most of it.
I shall enjoy doing the things I haven't been able to do for almost 3 years - like a walk down to the local shop for a pint of milk. Sleep in more than one position. Enjoy a full night's sleep without waking up in agony several times. And wear heels for longer than 10 minutes.
So to anybody who's having a caudal nerve root block; I say this to you. It's definitely worth it if it works for you. You will feel like a new person.
But for the love of God; don't pay attention to those who say "oh it's a breeze. You won't feel a thing!" They're fucking liars! If somebody with a very high pain threshold is transformed into a shaking, sweating mass of agonised groaning; then trust Me, that shit HURTS!
Next time; Mr "oh you're doing well...we're almost done" can knock Me the fuck out BEFORE he shoves anything in My back!
Oh and I apologise to My partner who was chided with "I'm not going over the top" when he wished Me luck....how wrong I was!